What is Performance Anxiety in Men and How Can They Overcome It?
Performance anxiety can arrive in many forms. For example, a singer may experience stage fright or an athlete may fail when playing in front of a crowd. But there’s a particular anxiety issue that can shatter a man’s confidence like none other. Sexual Performance Anxiety affects as many as 25 percent of men. But that number may be higher when you factor in those who are too embarrassed to report it.
In general, Sexual Performance Anxiety (SPA) most often manifests as an inability to attain or maintain an erection. If physical causes have been ruled out, it is highly likely that anxiety is the culprit.
Symptoms of Performance Anxiety in Men
Besides the erectile dysfunction (ED) mentioned above, a man struggling with SPA may:
Experience premature ejaculation
Be unable to orgasm during sex
Lose interest in engaging in sexual activities
The initial step is to check for medical causes. If none are found, a psychotherapist might make the diagnosis of SPA. It’s technically not a separate disorder but rather a subset of anxiety disorders.
Causes of Performance Anxiety in Men
A satisfying sexual episode is a complex experience. It involves subtle emotional cues which trigger obvious physical cues. If a man is feeling anxious, his mind and body are on high alert. This results in the release of stress hormones that can suppress sexual responses and arousal. To state it simply, when you’re anxious, your body is not prioritizing blood flow to the penis.
But why are some men so anxious about sex? Common factors include:
Self-Image
This can involve specific issues related to being unhappy with one’s body shape or penis size. More abstractly, men can be confused over concepts like virility, masculinity, and gender roles.
Inexperience
If you haven’t had a lot of sex, it’s not unusual to be nervous about how you’ll perform.
Problems With Your Partner
Emotional issues can very much impact how a man feels about sex.
Past Experiences
Negative sexual experiences can linger in your psyche. You want to move past it but the mere thought of having sex triggers memories of the past — especially if the man was unable to perform in these memories.
Pornography
A major shift occurred when the internet become ubiquitous thus providing free and easy access to pornography. Consuming such content on a regular basis has been linked to SPA.
How Men Can Overcome Performance Anxiety
Identify and Challenge the Cycle
This is the foundation. Men can achieve recovery by understanding — without shame — what is happening and why. For example:
Occasional ED is normal and does not mean a man will never be able to perform again.
Since relationship issues and past experiences can play a role, it’s vital to get help if any of these factors become overwhelming.
Stress affects everyone’s feelings toward sex but when you’re not stressed, you can and will perform as you wish.
By allowing one or two bad experiences to create more anxiety, you make it more likely that SPA will occur.
Cut yourself some slack and accept that sex can be multifaceted and different each time.
Mindfulness During Sex
When SPA is present, you may find you’re not present. As a sexual encounter progresses, you might be more focused on what happened in the past and what is or isn’t happening now. Instead of enjoying the sensations, you may be worried about what your partner is thinking. Through mindfulness, you can override such overthinking, e.g.
Allow yourself to sink into the sensations
Heighten the vibe through music, candles, etc.
Be open and vulnerable with your partner about what you’re feeling
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