What Causes Men To Be Anxious In A Relationship?
It may seem that everything is blamed on anxiety. This is an exaggeration, of course, but anxiety can be the culprit for a very wide range of issues. From body aches to high blood pressure, from feeling shy to feeling sweaty — the list goes on. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that anxiety can sabotage your romantic life.
This can be doubly complicated for men. Women are far more likely to report and seek help for mental issues. With men, it can be viewed as a form of weakness and thus, kept quiet. But relationship anxiety is a male problem, too, and it’s critical to learn what causes it and how it plays out.
What Causes Men To Be Anxious In A Relationship?
The possibilities abound but here are three very common causes:
Fear of Rejection and Abandonment
Anxiety is a very skilled liar. Even when you're in a happy romantic connection, it will tell you tall tales about how you're about to get dumped. This results in chronic worrying and fear — frequently leaving you unable to be fully present with your partner. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Anxiety changes your behavior. Your partner responds to these changes. You notice their responses and view them as proof that they were going to leave you all alone. It can actually feel relieving if they break up with you because you get a break from the fear.
Fears About Sexual Performance
Here’s something almost all men share but virtually none of them will admit it. There is so much emphasis put on sex. The easy access to internet pornography has raised the stakes in a major way. Therefore, anxiety rears its ugly head.
It could be premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction — or both. These scenarios evoke shame and low self-esteem. They can also provoke even more anxiety as your “manhood” feels threatened.
Past Experiences
Whether it was childhood attachment issues or a previous relationship, you may have had experiences that shaped how you connect, love, trust, and interact with others. You may not even be fully aware of how much the past can impact your present choices and actions.
How Male Anxiety Impacts Their Relationships
Again, this list could be quite long. Here are but two examples:
Controlling Behavior
As a man, the constant fear of “losing” your partner can bring out the desire to control. You want to know everything she does and everyone she interacts with. Such smothering behavior is a turn-off. Your partner may want some space and here comes the self-fulfilling prophecy again. If she wants space, it’s surely because she wants to end the relationship.
Loss of Trust
Anxiety takes you out of the present moment. Your partner may feel as if you’re not really there with them. You’re not paying attention. Ironically, she may wonder if you’ve lost interest in her and this causes fractures in your trust foundation. Add this to the controlling behaviors described above and it’s a recipe for broken trust.
How Men Can Address Anxiety in a Relationship
Anxiety can be causing you an array of problems and make the mere idea of a relationship sound impossible. You may be left wondering if you can ever relax and find love (and sex) again. The key is first to recognize and accept the presence of an anxiety disorder. It is the most common mental health issue on the planet. You are not alone and there is no shame involved. Plus, anxiety is treatable and manageable.
Let’s connect and talk about what you’re experiencing and how I can help. You can thrive again and I’m here to guide you along that journey through men's issues counseling. Let’s connect soon.
