4 Signs That a Man Has Anger Issues
Not all anger is created equal. Anger is a normal and inevitable emotion. It has the potential to protect you and motivate you. Unfortunately, anger can also be a powerful sign that some serious issues are happening. Generally speaking, when a man is upset (scared, sad, embarrassed, etc.), he expresses it via anger. This is partly due to biology and partly due to cultural gender norms.
The occasional outburst is not automatically a red flag, but it bears watching. And while you’re at it, there are some less obvious signs that a man in your life has anger issues. Let’s examine a few.
4 Signs That a Man Has Anger Issues
1. People Are Walking on Eggshells
Pay close attention to the behavior of others in his life—family, friends, co-workers, and so on. How do they act when they’re around the man in question? Do they exude nervousness? Are they walking on eggshells? You may, at first, chalk this up to those people being timid or insecure. But take a closer look. If different groups of people behave nervously around your man, he might be the problem.
2. Passive Aggressive Behavior
Not all anger is expressed in overtly aggressive ways. A man with anger issues may let it out subtly. He’ll use a passive tone to punish or threaten but pass it off as a joke if called out. A common tactic is the use of sarcasm. This is a classic way to release resentment and frustration. Also, keep an eye out for the following:
Eye rolling
Refusing to participate in plans that are important to you
Procrastinating
Seeming to agree but not following through on the agreement
Backhanded compliments
Playing the role of the victim
Left unchecked, passive aggressiveness can escalate into verbal and emotional abuse (see #3 below).
3. Seemingly “Harmless” Abuse
We’re not talking about physical abuse. That is an overt sign of anger issues and requires you to seek help and safety. Some men, however, can be quite abusive while presenting themselves as “good guys.” Examples of this kind of behavior include:
Any type of “silent treatment.” This could be straight-up ignoring you. More subtly, it might involve the withholding of his attention, affection, and approval.
Speaking to you in a way designed to sabotage your self-esteem. A man may purposely trigger a fear of yours in the name of undercutting your confidence.
Judging you and others. We’re not referring to the occasional dig. This is chronic, intense, and tinged with anger.
Gaslighting. Telling you something never happened is a prime example.
4. Self-Harm
A man’s anger can be turned inward against himself. Here is just some of what that may look like:
He never achieves his goals and dreams
A man is openly and verbally critical of himself
Cutting off people who want to help him
Perfectionism
Ruminating over past events in which he believes he performed poorly
Starting arguments and spats for no apparent reason
Avoiding good opportunities when they arise in his life
How Can You Help?
Helping a man with anger issues is, by definition, tricky. You can expect him to react with, well… anger. Therefore, for starters, you may want to recruit others to support your attempts to offer support. Another proven option is to talk with an experienced therapist. I can help you take the steps you need to take in order to help guide the man in question into therapy.
He can heal, grow, and evolve. Anger management is available and very effective. But the first step is for him or someone close to him to reach out for the kind of professional help that is required. Let’s connect and talk about this and other men’s issues.
