How Do Emotional Affairs Affect Male Depression?
You may not have ever associated emotional affairs with male depression before. But the link exists and requires our attention. At least one-quarter of men struggle with depression. (Because males are less likely to seek help, the number is surely higher.) Meanwhile, emotional affairs are way more common than most people realize. Studies have found that anywhere from 50 to 90 percent of people have engaged in this kind of cheating.
Men with depression are known to self-medicate in a variety of ways. How easy it is to boost one’s serotonin through behavior that can be shrugged off as “harmless flirting.” But harmless it is not.
What is an Emotional Affair?
Unlike a physical tryst, an emotional affair is usually about crossing some undefined boundaries. The people involved do not have sex. They may even live on the other side of the planet. But a non-romantic connection grows intimate in an emotional manner.
A man having an emotional affair may become secretive, confide more in the friend than their partner, and delegate an increasing amount of time to interact with the “platonic” friend. There can be sexual tension within this relationship but it doesn’t even have to be mentioned for it to qualify as an affair.
How Does Male Depression Connect With Emotional Affairs?
As touched on above, a man with depression may seek out anything that they believe can negate the feelings of sadness and the lack of self-worth. Substance abuse, risky behaviors, and self-harm are some of the counterproductive coping mechanisms. But what if a co-worker or neighbor or a social media connection suddenly starts to give you attention?
In the haze of depression, such a connection may appear tempting. This new person shares personal stories, complains about their neglectful spouse, and compliments you for being such a good friend. You return the compliments. Soon, you’re hiding texts from your partner but the sensation of pleasure involved in these interactions feels irresistible. After all, short-term happiness is what’s been missing in your life.
But emotional affairs — especially those that are long-distance — are no cure. In fact, they may highlight feelings of hopelessness because you:
Wonder why you aren’t excited to interact with your own partner like this
Feel guilt for being secretive and sneaky
Recognize that you currently lack the confidence to connect with others in a meaningful way
How Can a Therapist Help?
First and foremost, any man who fears he might be struggling with depression must reach out for professional help. The stakes are too high to ignore. Untreated depression can lead to suicidal thoughts and the suicide rate for men is four times that for women. So, with or without the risk of an emotional affair, you will need some guidance with this mood disorder.
However, if depression has led you to connect with someone else in an emotionally intimate way, you have another kind of work to do. The aftermath of emotional infidelity can be just as daunting as that of a physical affair. You and your partner have some serious recovery to do. For starters, you will have to decide together whether you want to continue with the relationship.
Should you agree to move forward together, there will be challenges. New communication styles are necessary. Boundaries must be set and honored. Transparency becomes the new blueprint. Creating these changes alone — especially if one of you is dealing with depression — is a major task. Doing so in the presence of a skilled and unbiased guide, however, allows much more room for learning, understanding, and growth.
If the themes of this post resonated with you, we should connect soon. Let’s get you and your partner back on track and thriving again. Depression therapy can help you learn how to pave a new future.
