Dating Someone With Depression? Ways To Deal With This In Your Relationship
When you start dating someone, you have expectations. Generally speaking, we tend to focus on positive expectations, e.g. love, adventure, an exciting sex life, and more. Of course, life is far more complex than that. With the good comes the less-than-good and that may include mental health issues.
Depression is one of the most common mental health disorders on the planet. Therefore, it’s not rare that you could click with someone who is or ends up struggling with this condition. What does that mean for them? What does that mean for you? For starters, it means lots and lots of self-education.
Common Depression Symptoms
Depression, like any disorder, can be different for each person. Even so, common symptoms have been identified, e.g.
Losing interest in activities that once excited you (including sex)
Sadness and crying spells
Loss of energy
Sleep disturbances
Digestive disturbances
Unexplained aches and pains
Lack of self-worth that can lead to self-harm
When discussing the depression symptoms of someone you’re dating, they can be perceived quite differently. You feel lonely. Where has your partner gone? You want to help but also feel confusion, anger, helplessness, and resentment of their withdrawal. They don’t want to push you away but they often do. You obviously didn’t sign up for this but the person you love has transformed against their own will.
Step One: Learn More About Depression
As mentioned above, self-education is key. This takes place on two levels:
Research: Talk to your partner’s medical team. Seek out reputable websites. Read books. Whatever it takes to better understand the situation, make it happen.
Communication: All the research in the world won’t be able to tell you precisely what your partner is feeling. Each day can be different. So, get into the habit of talking openly about shifting symptoms and needs. Create a safe space where they can talk openly about thought topics like self-harm or suicidal thoughts.
3 More Ways To Deal With Depression In Your Relationship
1. Acceptance
At least for a while, things will not go as you imagined. Your plans and expectations have been flipped on their head and acceptance are critical. Take time to grieve and process the disappointment. But, if you are committed to this relationship, the next step is acceptance.
Your birthday may be forgotten
The two of you may not do things together
Your sex life may be put on hold
Movie nights, socializing, family dinners, and more may not be guaranteed until recovery begins. To understand depression is to accept your partner as they currently are. And remember, you can work out arrangements in which you get to sometimes socialize on your own.
2. Don’t Try to “Fix”
Your partner has medical professionals helping them. Why they need from you most is probably encouragement and the acceptance described in #1. Invite them to do things with you, like taking a walk. This is more agreeable than lecturing them about their need to move and get fresh air.
3. Practice Self-Care
Sure, you have to compromise often. Sometimes, you have to sacrifice but strike a balance. Set boundaries and make sure you’re not making yourself sick. You can’t help your depressed partner unless you’re also attending to your own needs. It can help immensely to speak with a therapist about this.
Speaking of Therapy…
Both of you will struggle in your own distinct ways. Your partner will be seeing a therapist for depression. You may wish to do the same for yourself. Or perhaps, you can arrange couples therapy in order to help with all the adjustments. Either way, this process begins with a free and confidential consultation for depression therapy. Feel free to contact me when you are both ready.
